The Inferior Adoptee

The ever present inferiority complex. It follows me around like a stray dog. In the last few years I’ve laid blame on adoption. Originally being rejected by my own biology.

How many times do we, as adoptees, say something to a single person or a group, and question whether they misinterpreted the way we intended it, or if it offended them.

Social media takes it to another level for me. Every single time I post, I worry if people don’t immediately “like” what I posted. Likes are validation. Someone agrees with me if they like what I said. Someone thinks the picture I post is acceptable because they liked it.

Then there’s the vulnerability of those having the option to comment on my posts. Some comments are obviously positive and reaffirming. However, those which aren’t leave me wishing I hadn’t posted at all. I sometimes delete a post shortly after posting if I don’t receive positive feedback.

Is this an adoptee thing? How does this make our brains feel when we self induce the worry of being accepted? No one is twisting our arm to make us post. We want to because we have life events we’re happy about and like to share. I just wonder if I wasn’t already coping with rejection, would this even be an event for me.

Published by Leigh Bailey

I'm a 44 year old adoptee who's experienced reunion as well as secondary rejection. I was relinquished at birth by my mother, and adopted at three days old. I was adopted by a nice family and given a loving home. But there were issues. Adoption was rarely discussed in my home. I felt I was to only be grateful, and not wish for my biological family. I struggled with confidence and feared rejection and abandonment in relationships. I've experienced reunion with my biological father who DID NOT know I existed. I've reached out to my birth mother who refuses to acknowledge me. I've discovered the healing power of verbalizing feelings which I've held inside all these years. I believe those who adopt need to understand the importance of being educated on the psyche of an adoptee. They need to fully understand the trauma associated with being given away no matter what age it occurs. It is imperative that adopted parents talk openly about this with adoptees. To acknowledge the trauma and address the grief that accompanies the trauma of losing your family helps to unlock your authenticity. Adoptees have an identity aside of their adopted family. It needs to be nourished and accepted. I'm very lucky to have a supportive husband who cheers me on as I journey. In addition, I have two amazing daughters who love and support me and have learned that life isn't always wrapped up in a pretty little package.

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