The ever present inferiority complex. It follows me around like a stray dog. In the last few years I’ve laid blame on adoption. Originally being rejected by my own biology.
How many times do we, as adoptees, say something to a single person or a group, and question whether they misinterpreted the way we intended it, or if it offended them.
Social media takes it to another level for me. Every single time I post, I worry if people don’t immediately “like” what I posted. Likes are validation. Someone agrees with me if they like what I said. Someone thinks the picture I post is acceptable because they liked it.
Then there’s the vulnerability of those having the option to comment on my posts. Some comments are obviously positive and reaffirming. However, those which aren’t leave me wishing I hadn’t posted at all. I sometimes delete a post shortly after posting if I don’t receive positive feedback.
Is this an adoptee thing? How does this make our brains feel when we self induce the worry of being accepted? No one is twisting our arm to make us post. We want to because we have life events we’re happy about and like to share. I just wonder if I wasn’t already coping with rejection, would this even be an event for me.