(Pictured are the first two people I’ve ever known myself to look like. I love my girls.)
Peer support is one of a kind. I say this as I socialize minimally and live out in the country on a road so narrow you have to veer off a little when passing other vehicles to make room for both. Peer support is why we gravitate towards certain people. They get us! Being with or talking with them feels good. I’ve never known anything quite like the comfort of an adoptee peer until several years ago a friend of mine who has three adopted children put me in contact with my friend Anne, a fellow adoptee. While I’ve only met Anne in person once, we text often. I credit Anne with finding my birth father for me. He was a parent/child match for me on Ancestry DNA, then I realized there were about a half a million people in this country with his same name. I had to stalk him first before considering contacting him.
Anne “gets me”. While she had a different experience with her adopted family than I, we took on the same burdens of guilt wanting to know about our biological selves and families. How would that impact our adopted families, our immediate families, and our biological families? We are programmed to take up minimal space and be grateful. Not seek more. She and I both fear rejection. We both grieve. We commiserate. It’s validating for me to know I’m not the only person feeling this way. We’ve also both experienced issues which manifested themselves later in life. And we both know together that IT’S OKAY!
The adoptee FB groups and podcasts have broken the chains free for me to express what’s eaten at me for way too many years. I love my adoptee groups. I love that I’ve never met any of these people, but connect and bond with them.